


forever rain

by shizuruu



Category: No. 6 (Anime & Manga), No. 6 - All Media Types, No. 6 - Asano Atsuko
Genre: M/M, Nonbinary Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trans Female Character, happens after the events of the holy day, i tried to depict trauma as a gradual process in this, mostly shion, theres some mild gore in the last part in a dream so watch out yeah, this is centred around shion and inukashi mainly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:03:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4376546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shizuruu/pseuds/shizuruu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody lives here anymore. As if he was expecting Nezumi to be there, waiting for him, as if he was ready to see Nezumi's dirty laundry on one of the bookshelves and mice happily jumping around. He wanted to smell Nezumi's soup and say "I'm back.". He wanted to be greeted by a disinterested nod of the head or some half-serious biting remark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	forever rain

**Author's Note:**

> "Some people are happy together.  
> Some people are happier when they're not together.  
> Some people are unhappy because they can't be together.  
> And some will never be happy even if they are together."  
> \- Candy Rain (2008)

 

 **SOME PEOPLE ARE HAPPY TOGETHER**  
  
It's a lazy day. The sun rolls around the edges of the buildings in slow waves and drowns the people on the streets in a dense heat. The air is thick with sweat and excitement, children running around as if they're not affected by the hot weather at all. Sometimes they fall down and cries can be heard before a parent picks them up by the hand and scolds them.  
  
Nezumi and Shion's house would gladly keep them cool but as they both have to work, the building is abandoned safe for the few mice munching on some leftovers.  
  
The dog hotel stands close to a river and this time Shion doesn't protest when Inukashi drags him into the water and tells him to wash the dogs right there. Still he doesn't use the soap unless he feels it's absolutely necessary, Inukashi scolding him half-heartedly that the dogs are gonna be flea ridden because of him.  
  
A few children splash around in the water near them, playing around with an old moldy piece of something - maybe a doll head? - using it as a ball. Sometimes one of the puppies will get too interested in the strange item and try and swim to get it. At that moment the children run away screaming.  
  
They still are back in a few minutes, playing and joking around again as if nothing happened. Shion smiles at them warmly whenever they throw the make-shift ball too close to him and hands it to one of the children - a chubby and tall dark girl with one of her front teeth missing. Her eyes get incredibly wide and she goes red in the face before quickly snatching the ball and running towards her friends.  
  
"Stop slacking off," Inukashi scolds him, but Shion just smiles sheepishly and goes on washing the dark brown puppy.  
  
Few moments are spent in silence - only the shouts and laughter of the children breaking the humid air.  
  
"What is her name?" Shion asks all of a sudden, lifting up one of the newborn puppies which simply yawns and squirms a tiny bit.  
  
"Doesn't have one," Inukashi shrugs and rubs one of the old dogs' bellies.  
  
"Can I name it then?"  
  
"It's just a puppy. Don't attach a name to it yet. It might not survive and you will be hurt. Isn't that pointless?"  
  
"But how else would you recognize it from the others? Isn't that a bit sad - if it were to die without recognition, without a name?" Shion looks up.  
  
A whirl of wind blows Inukashi's hair into their face. "That's the point. You don't need to tell it apart from the others. If you don't let it have a place in your world, you won't miss it when it's gone.  
  
"See this sun? It's shining on us today and making us think the winter is over, but in a week or so, there will surely come snow again. The weak ones won't survive. See those brats? I bet some of them will die too. They're getting too used to this comofortable feeling they have right now and so the sudden snow will be too big of a shock to them. They won't last long," Inukashi sighs and wipes their face with their left arm.  
  
"Isn't that a bit sad? You're talking as if this puppy is already dead," Shion's face falls.  
  
"I'm just ready. What about you? When the time comes, will you be ready?"  
  
As Inukashi turns around though, Shion is already playing with the puppy, tickling its tiny belly.  
  
"Hey! Stop wasting my time and get washing!" Inukashi shouts at him, suddenly angry.  


* * *

  
  
The evening brings clouds.  
  
"Hopefully it will rain a bit," Shion mumbles.  
  
"It's not hot down here, so it doesn't really matter though," Nezumi states, not looking up from his book.  
  
The room is dyed in warm colors, surprisingly clean compared to when Shion first entered it. The books are ordered properly, might as well be indexed by the author. The small yellow lantern shines at the boxes full of 'useless garbage' as Nezumi likes to call it and 'interesting relics' as Shion insists.  
  
"Hm, but it must be really bad for all the flowers and trees, this scarching hot weather!" Shion turns around, walking to the couch where Nezumi is sitting. He plops down, right next to Nezumi.  
  
"Watch out! You could have squashed me underneath you!" Nezumi elbows him softly in the ribs.  
  
"Ouch ouch, sorry. I didn't mean to!" Shion apologizes, completely serious.  
  
Nezumi simply looks at him incredulously. "Honestly..."  
  
"Anyways you shouldn't worry too much," Nezumi says, turning back to his book.  
  
"Hm?" Shion confusedly looks at him.  
  
"I mean - it's not as if there are any flowers or trees growing here. Some stray weeds sometimes grow along with nettles near houses, but it's not like your parks in No. 6 with fancy trees and strictly perfect flowers," Nezumi explains and turns the page, still focused on the book he's holding.  
  
"But isn't that sad?" Shion turns to him, completely wide-eyed, nearly tearing up. He clutches at Nezumi's shirt tightly, as if he's not quite realizing what he's doing.  
  
"There are many sadder things. The sunsets here are beautiful nonetheless," Nezumi gulps, unsure why he's uncomfortable suddenly.  
  
"That's just sad. When I make the serum, I'm gonna bring over some seeds and make a garden here. You'll see what you've been missing out on!" Shion nods, determined.  
  
Of course it's not gonna work, Nezumi knows. The ground here is dead, drained of all energy by the parasite that is No. 6. No serums on this planet can change that. It's not like Shion's going to stay with him forever.  
  
But the weather is so lazy and he doesn't want to fight about small things again today.  
  
"Okay," Nezumi agrees.  
  
Shion smiles at him like a lovestruck puppy and slowly lays his head on Nezumi's lap.  
  
"I'm so tired from today. Wake me up before it's time to make dinner?"  
  
Nezumi doesn't answer but Shion doesn't need an answer. He falls asleep soon, breathing calmly as Nezumi keeps on reading.

* * *

  
  
  
           **SOME PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER WHEN THEY'RE NOT TOGETHER**  
  
After Nezumi leaves the world is much more quiet. Shion is not sure whether it's a good quiet or a bad quiet but it's certainly calmer. The smell of cherry cake once again fills his life and slowly he takes the routine of his mother's bakery on himself.  
  
Shion is of course invited to contribute to the new city, but it only takes a month for him to find out he's not suited for the job. At every touch, at every raised voice, he flinches and men with sunglasses still scare him incredibly.  
  
So he leaves the job to people more suited for the job, calmer when he finds out the former No. 6 will be forming an alliance with No. 5 and No. 3 intentioned to help them figure out everything and control things from the outside. Rikiga becomes one of the people in charge of reconstructing No. 6. Inukashi still lives in the Western Block but no longer needs to smuggle clothes to make for a living. They aid in reconstruction and rehabilitation, their dogs being rented out as service dogs and helping find the still injured.  
  
Little Shion grows too quickly, it seems. He's already starting to form some words other than "mama". Karan offered to take the child in, along with Inukashi, but they refused, saying that their dogs have grown too attached to the brat for them to let him leave now. Shion smiles slightly and promises to help whenever he can.  
  
"You'd better!" Inukashi mutters angrily, but stays for dinner anyways.  
  
The company is quite loud and happily discussing the lastest events. Shion smiles pleasantly and engages in the conversation here and there but ends up going to sleep early. He has been suffering from constant fatigue ever since Nezumi left. He thinks it will pass anyways.

* * *

  
  
The only place he's really been helping rebuild is the makeshift graveyard that has started being built in the former Chronos area. As the dead bodies were all burnt carelessly, the city plunged into chaos. With most of the former residents dead, only those who survived truly had to suffer. On every corner there were home-made posters begging to know the whereabouts of their loved ones.  
  
The few lucky ones who knew of their friends' and family's fate started making this graveyard, simple stone blocks with things scribbled atop of them, flowers here and there. Sometimes photos were lying on the graves, trying to remind everyone that this person was alive and real. Most of Shion's time lately was spent organizing the so-called graveyard, making sure nothing flies away, nothing is destroyed or broken. In the left corner, a dark black stone lay. It wasn't particularly big - hardly bigger than Shion's own palm. There were no flowers, no picture atop of it.  
  
Two weeks ago, Shion took a photo he had of Safu and buried it as deep as he could. He dug up the ground with his fingers, bare hands scraping against the rocks and dirt.  
  
He would always end up at her grave one way or another. Sitting next to her, he would speak in a quiet tone. Sometimes a visitor to the graveyard would observe him with obvious contempt but most of them had pity and a strange understanding in their eyes.  
  
Shion never cried at her grave. He simply talked, with a smile on his face, as if he wasn't talking to a mere buried photograph.  
  
After feeling he had nothing more to say, he would continue his work there, assisting old ladies who came there to bury photographs and clothes of their sons and daughters. He would always talk in a very gentle tone and the ladies would praise him as such a nice young boy.  
  
In the evening he went to drop by at Inukashi's. He would play with little Shion and sometimes sleep over at the former hotel usually.  
  
Today it was time to wash the dogs. Inukashi has been washing them since early afternoon but it went too slow when they were alone so they appreciated Shion coming and immediately told him to help. Little Shion was sleeping by one of the dogs.  
  
The sun gently washed over the water. It was strange, as if the water was clearer than the last time Shion saw it. The sun was brighter and the air fresher, the wind freely blowing against his face. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.  
  
The sweet smell of spring made him want to fall asleep in the short yellowing grass.

* * *

  
              
**SOME PEOPLE ARE UNHAPPY BECAUSE THEY CAN'T BE TOGETHER**  
  
Winter is about to come and renovations are to be soon paused. Everyone is getting ready for a winter - the people of the former No. 6 not quite ready to live in a world without their comfortable warmth provided automatically. While the other cities - No. 3 in particular - have donated lots of emergency equipment, it is in no way comparable to the comfort these people used to know.  
  
Inukashi decided that it would be better to move into a small, warmer place for the winter. Without thinking they suggested Shion let them stay at Nezumi's former place.  
  
Immediately as they'd said these words the atmosphere felt a bit colder. Shion looked down at the ground.  
  
"Sorry, that's not a great idea. Maybe I'll ask Rikiga, that rich bastard-" Inukashi tried to save the situation but they were interrupted-  
  
"Okay," Shion said quietly.  
  
"Okay?" Inukashi repeated.  
  
"Yeah. Sure. I'll help you move in, we just need to clean the place up a little bit. I bet there will be tons of spiders living there by now," Shion looked up and smiled, seemingly unbothered.

* * *

  
Shion starts cleaning the place on a sunny Monday, right in the morning. His mother  worried, knowing where he was going but he ensured her that he would be just fine.  
  
The pathway to the underground complex is no longer as clear, blades of grass peeking out where there used to be nothing. The door is jammed and it takes Shion a few good pulls to open it. As soon as he does, the smell of books hit him. He almost forgot what it smelled like.  
  
Stepping in, the air feels way too hot, nearly unbearable. Shion leaves the door open and decides to come back in the afternoon.  
  
After a few hours the horrible air is finally a bit clearer and Shion ventures further in, to the door to their apartment. He opens the door without a problem this time.  
  
The realization hits him as soon as he steps in.  
  
Nobody lives here anymore. As if he was expecting Nezumi to be there, waiting for him, as if he was ready to see Nezumi's dirty laundry on one of the bookshelves and mice happily jumping around. He wanted to smell Nezumi's soup and say "I'm back.". He wanted to be greeted by a disinterested nod of the head or some half-serious biting remark.  
  
The place is entirely silent. Shion can hear his own breath coming out in short gasps.  
  
Knees weak and hands shaking, Shion tries to take a step forward, tries to call out into the dark. Instead he falls down, something ringing in his ears.  


* * *

  
  
"Momma is looking for you, you know? She sent a message to me asking where you are, if you're with me. She hasn't seen you in a while," Inukashi remarks one day while Shion is changing the baby's diaper.  
  
"What did you tell her?" Shion asked without pausing.  
  
"I told her you're sleeping over at my place because we're busy reconstructing. Ehh, usually I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I really don't like lying to your mother. Especially for somebody else's sake," Inukashi says, leaning against the table.  
  
"Hm. Thank you," Shion nods, very serious.  
  
"Huh, what's that? Not gonna give me a long lecture about how I've changed? Not gonna explain? Do you have a fever? If so please stop touching little Shion, I don't wanna take care of a sick kid," Inukashi perks up.  
  
"Sorry Inukashi," Shion flashes a shy little smile. "I haven't been feeling as well lately."  
  
"Seriously, I don't want you infecting the baby, put your paws away from him!" Inukashi exclaims, horrified, snatching the baby away from Shion.  
  
"I'm not sick. It's nothing that can be transmitted don't worry!" Shion puts his hands up sheepishly.  
  
"Then what is it...?" Inukashi slowly puts the baby down.  
  
"Nothing important," Shion shakes his head with a smile on his face.  
  
The lights flicker slightly. Inukashi keeps looking at Shion intently.  
  
"You're lying. Is this about Nezumi? I shouldn't have asked you to clean up that place for me. It's a hole in the ground anyways, who cares."  
  
"I care," Shion whispers.  
  
Inukashi looks away from Shion just as little Shion wakes up and starts crying.  
  
"Shhh shhh, I'm here okay? Do you want daddy Shion to tell you one of his weird ass stories? Stop crying ugh, shh, shh," Inukashi tries pacifying the baby to no avail.  
  
The baby is bawling his eyes now but in no time at all Shion is by his side and offering him a small bottle of milk. Little Shion sucks on it hungrily.  
  
"You're a much better dad than Nezumi would have been," Inukashi comments with a grin.  
  
"He wouldn't have been that bad!" Shion defends him quickly.  
  
Inukashi merely lifts an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay well maybe. He might throw the baby at someone or sit on it accidentally but I reckon he would get better if he tried," Shion pouts.  
  
" 'If' being the keyword here," Inukashi smirks.  
  
Shion cracks a smile at that.

* * *

  
  
Shion stops going home completely and Karan no longer sends messages to Inukashi trying to figure out where he is. She only sends food now and begs in her letters for Inukashi to make sure her son is eating properly.  
  
'Honestly,' Inukashi thinks 'it's almost as if I have two children now.'  
  
Inukashi comes by daily because Shion no longer comes out to visit them. Lately he can be found in his and Nezumi's former apartment, sometimes organizing things, sometimes lying on his back and looking at the ceiling. Whenever Inukashi brings by the baby, Shion seems to liven up a little, playing with the baby and petting the dogs. But as soon as little Shion falls asleep, Shion goes back to being a walking corpse.  
  
Inukashi always brings by food from Karan. There are muffins and white bread and a bit of cheese. There are always two slices of cherry cake, one for Shion and one for Inukashi.  
  
As Shion slowly bites into his cake, Inukashi tries to chase away the awkwardness by babbling about their customers, a lady that was saved mid-transformation and now is left with only one functioning eye ("she always borrows one of my dogs and I tell her to keep one but she refuses every time"), a young girl trying to find her parents ("she still hasn't given up and borrows my dogs and tries to make them sniff them out") and a middle aged man that was saved from the correctional facility with a trauma disorder ("he only ever sleeps when he has one of my dogs by his side").  
  
"I found out the couch can be made into a bed. Two people can fit there actually," Shion says solemnly out of nowhere. "I'm thinking of spending the winter here if you wouldn't mind me living here with you."  
  
Inukashi looks at Shion surprisedly.  
  
"No way. You're gonna go back to your mommy or she's gonna whoop my ass for keeping you away from her."

* * *

  
  
  
**AND SOME WILL NEVER BE HAPPY EVEN IF THEY ARE TOGETHER**  
  
Nezumi comes back on a late afternoon in September. Close to two years after his departure, he shows up, hair much longer but still tied messily. There's Hamlet on his right shoulder and his face is no longer as pale as it used to be. There's a flower in his hair, a small white flower he must have picked up along the way.  
  
Inukashi is the first one to see him.  
  
"Honestly, you're an asshole. I don't know why you even bothered to come back. Your resolution is weak," Inukashi fires bitterly, holding little Shion, dressed in a small blue dress, in their arms protectively. The child stirs and frowns but goes back to sleep as his guardian rocks him a bit.  
  
"Didn't know you were the motherly type," Nezumi nods to the little child, seemingly unbothered by Inukashi's words. He reaches out as if to touch the child, but one of the dogs barks at him before he has the chance to.  
  
"Don't you dare touch Shion," they grit between clenched teeth.  
  
 As if sensing somebody is talking about him, Shion once again moves, this time opening his eyes. The wide brown eyes turn to the newcomer. Long curly hair flows behind the boy as he turns to Nezumi.  
  
"Who's that, nunu?" Shion asks turning back to his guardian.  
  
"That's daddy's friend. They were friends. Not anymore. This man is bad, don't let him near you, okay?" Inukashi talks to the child cutely as if Nezumi is not there.  
  
"Go find momma Karan okay? Take your brother with you," they let the child on the ground and call to one of the dogs.  
Shion turns around one more time but the dog nudges him and they both start racing towards the Lost Town, Shion's short dress fluttering in the slight wind.  
  
"What are you and your pup doing in my house? I don't remember inviting you," Nezumi inquires with a slightly raised eyebrow.  
  
"Since you were gone, Shion was the one taking care of this house. We were here just for the winter but little Shion really likes it here so we stayed. I don't remember you having any ownership over this house. As I remember it, actually, you just stole it from some old geezer that had dropped dead  that night."  
  
"The real question is," Inukashi continues, "what are you doing here? We don't need you anymore. You'll just end up making things worse."  
  
Nezumi looks away for a moment.  
  
"I made a promise."

* * *

  
  
Shion cries.  
  
Karan is out on the balcony, distracting little Shion and Lili, playing with them. The wind blows harshly against the thin walls of their house.  
  
Nezumi is keeping a careful distance from Shion.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
But Shion doesn't stop crying. Nobody dares to move.

* * *

  
  
Karan welcomes Nezumi as if he's her own son, she welcomes him as if there's no guilt lying on his shoulders, as if he hasn't hurt her son more than any death could. Shion is wary of Nezumi, doesn't sit next to him at the table and Nezumi has to sleep on the couch in the living room.  
  
Nezumi and Inukashi, despite fighting at first, quickly form an unlikely alliance again - this time it's with Nezumi coming to help Inukashi with little Shion.  
  
Karan told him that Shion used to help bringing up the child but lately he hasn't been doing anything. So Nezumi simply arrived one day, brought some childrens' clothes, books he found and a small delicate doll he bought at the market.  
  
Inukashi still doesn't let him be alone with little Shion in the room. They're always present and if they have to disappear for a few minutes, they leave a dog to guard the child. Nezumi doesn't do anything shady though and him and little Shion get along quite well. Little Shion likes to play with Nezumi's hair, tying it and tugging on it, making Inukashi howl with laughter as Nezumi pulls faces.  
  
One day Nezumi comes to Inukashi and they simply announce that little Shion wants to be called "Safu" from now on and that she's decided she's a girl.  
  
It's not a surprise but it takes some time to get used to the new name.  
  
"How is Shion? Is he ever coming over again?" Inukashi asks one day.  
  
Safu is playing in front of the house, dragging a stray cat along with her and dancing. The puppies are barking at the pair (most likely at the poor cat) but Safu doesn't seem to mind. Her long brown hair has grown even more and she started tying it just like 'uncle Nezumi' does.  
  
"He's not talking to me much."

* * *

  
  
_Shion is drowning. He feels his lungs compress and all air leaves him. A sharp stinging pain in the neck pushes him against the liquid even more and he gasps and chokes. He tries to scream for help but no sounds come out._  
  
_He closes his eyes._  
  
_When he opens them again, he sees a small room. There's nothing but brains in huge containers. He finds himself walking through the room, searching for something, though not sure for what. He passes each and every container apathetically until walking to a smaller one. There's a brain in there too. Behind the container something is ticking._  
  
_Shion tries to find out what's making the sound. He steps behind the container._  
  
_Safu's body lies there, lifeless. Her head is split open, roughly, not in a clean cut, a pool of dried blood around her. She must have been here for a while. He kneels down to her, touching her hair. As soon as his hand touches her hair, he feels something sticky on his fingers._  
  
_Suddenly he realizes he's in the container, his hand touching the brain._  
  
_"Shion," he hears Safu's voice call out to him._  
  
"Shion!"  
  
**"Shion!!"**  
  
When Shion opens his eyes, there's Nezumi towering over him.  
  
"It was just a dream," Nezumi says and absent-mindedly puts a hand on Shion's cheek. It's warm.  
  
As if realizing what he's doing, Nezumi jerks his hand back but Shion catches his hand before he can get away.  
  
"Nezumi. Stay with me, for once," Shion whispers, his voice coarse.  
  
Nezumi stays. For once.

**Author's Note:**

> i guess i wanted to portray trauma in my own way. trauma can be suppressed as i know it at first but eventually it will consume you. what happened to shion and nezumi canonnicaly was definitely traumatic so the ending of "shion rebuilding the community blah blah blah" felt a bit forced. i wanted to give my own take on the situation.
> 
> some explanations:  
> 1) when little shion (later safu) calls inukashi "nunu", she's nearly 4 years old. inukashi probably didn't like being called mama so they tried to teach her to call them "inukashi" or just "inu" but she ended up calling her "nunu"  
> 2) the last italic part is shion's dream.  
> 3) little shion --> safu! safu has always been a girl but assumed male by her guardians and people around her. as she grew up she liked typically feminine things but they let her choose what to call herself. she had probably heard stories of safu from shion and looked up to her.
> 
> i do have ptsd but i do not claim i represent every trauma survivor. 
> 
> i dedicate this to my late grandpa who also lived with trauma for most of his life


End file.
